The Need for Inclusive Housing
The Need for Inclusive Housing
This whole issue of LGBTQ+ aging came home for me when I showed a documentary and we showed it at an LGBTQ+ community center. I showed it again and again. I ended up showing it five times. But it hit on all of these issues of a lot of older gay people going back into the closet. And the reason is fear. It's fear that you're vulnerable and that you're going to be mistreated or you don't want to be fighting these battles all the time. And so you just bite your tongue and it can be isolating.
So this is a concern that we want people to try to plan for having a more open or gay-friendly environment where you don't have to hide. We're even seeing that it could be a straight person who has a gay son or daughter who's coming to visit, that this is an issue, that they want to make sure that that person is welcomed and not feeling like their son or daughter has to go back into the closet.
There are a lot of issues here with LGBTQ+ aging and, of course, the risk of aging alone, which is what we've been talking about here.
Let's talk about why LGBTQ+ older adults seek inclusive housing options and what those options can be for you.
According to a study by the National LGBTQ Task Force, 48% of LGBTQ+ seniors have experienced housing discrimination.
A survey conducted by SAGE revealed that 53% of LGBTQ+ older adults fear being mistreated in long-term care facilities.
The desire for a friendly living environment, increased vulnerability felt with age, and the discomfort some older adults have with being open about their sexuality are all reasons why aging is different for us.
Here's The Tea: “You Know He’s a Homo”
When I first met Bernie, he was very closeted. He came to a party that I hosted with my husband, and he never came out to me, even though he was with another older gentleman.
The next day he called me, and he said something cryptic. It's like, oh, you know, you know, kind of what I've always wanted, you and your partner. I realized he was coming out to me, that he's a gay man too. And so we started working together. We had lunch every other Saturday for 7 years, And then I took over his accounts.
I reached out to his sister, his closest living relative. I always like to get the family involved. I asked, can I talk to her about your accounts? Is there anything, you know, that's private that you don't want me to say? And he said, don't talk about my personal situation.
I called her, and we hit it off. We had a great conversation. Towards the end, she said, "you know he's a homo."
I laughed. I thought, who talks like that anymore? But that's the age. I wanted to say something like, well, so am I. But I thought, you know, that would almost be like outing him. I wanted to respect his privacy and he did not want to discuss this with his sister. It's just still too private. It's been that way all their lives, and they still want to keep it that way. So it's still an issue for that generation.
Another issue is cultural competency and the fact that some of the caregivers are often from very conservative cultures, backgrounds, or countries. It can create awkwardness. There is, of course, training and education,
but not everybody wants to participate in that because they have a value conflict in their mind. And so this is definitely still an issue for us in the LGBTQ+ community to make sure that we have people who are supposed to serve us, people we may be paying, who are not going to be anti-gay and are going to be culturally competent in working with us and our loved ones.
Here's The Tea: Do You Value My Values?
We had hired an agency, and there was somebody there who was coming from the agency and from a more conservative Caribbean country and culture. She was always reading the Bible. We were out and making jokes. One day, she just disappeared, and they sent somebody else. We had liked her and everything was fine, but later on, we thought, you know, we scared her off.
Then we had somebody we really liked who was from Jamaica. The same situation, a very culturally conservative, even homophobic environment. And we liked her. For years, she was helping us, but then one day she commented that if my husband knew that I was working with all these gay people, he'd blow a gasket. We thought, you've got to be kidding me, that it's that big of a deal to him that she would be working with LGBTQ+ people. And for some people, it is. It's definitely off-putting.
Additional Resources:
Solo Aging in the LGBTQ+ Community (Generations Journal)
The Stonewall Bridge: Building Care and Equity Across Queer Generations